The Grand Adventure of Grandparenting (Without Sacrificing Yourself)

By Pam Grace, Conscious Parents Conscious Kids Facilitator 

If you’d told me 15 years ago that grandparenting could be this much ease and this much fun, I might have raised an eyebrow and offered to run your Hopes and Dreams Bars! 

Back then, I was still figuring it out. I’d already raised two kids—both now in their 40s—and spent decades working in child and adolescent mental health. I’d read the books, applied the theories, dealt with the “problems.” But something always tugged at me: What if parenting, and grandparenting, could be done entirely differently? 

Then I discovered Access Consciousness. And everything changed. 

These days, I have four grandkids. I adore them. I also don’t try to save them (Ok I’m working on this one!), fix them, control them, or “parent better” than their parents did. I’m not the saviour. I’m not the sacrifice. I’m a space. And that space? It changes everything. 

You Don’t Have to Sacrifice You (Even for Your Grandkids) 

Let’s begin with one of the big lies that gets sold in this reality: to be a “good” parent or grandparent, you must constantly worry, work hard, and give up what matters to you—for the kids. 

That’s the story. That’s the “good parent” badge. 

But here’s a question: 

What if being a “bad” grandparent is the greatest gift you could be? 

I used to joke that I should rename my business The Joy of Being a Bad Parent. The joy. The laughter. The chaos. The imperfection. Because when you’re willing to be a bad parent or grandparent—meaning, you drop the performance, the walls, the proving—you finally stop being at the effect of it all and that includes knowing that you will be judged and be willing to just be ‘interesting point of view’ about other people’s judgements. 

And your kids (and grandkids) notice. Not because you’re doing it “right,” but because you’re actually being with them. Not managing. Not fixing. Not controlling. Being. 

Drop the Walls, Drop the Worry 

How much of what you call “love” for your grandchildren is actually worry? 

Worry is sneaky. It feels responsible. Caring. But it’s not consciousness. It’s control wearing a cardigan. And this is what most parents identify caring as. 

One of the clearings that changed everything for me was this: 

How many definitions do you have that being a good parent (or grandparent) requires you to worry about your children and grandchildren, that keeps you from knowing what is true in every situation? 

Run that one a few times. 

Worry keeps us in survival mode. It keeps our grandkids in boxes. It keeps us trying to make things “OK,” rather than asking, “What else is possible here?” 

They’re Infinite Beings Too 

One of the biggest gifts of being a grandparent who uses the Access tools is this: 

You know they’re not just “kids.” They’re infinite beings. 

Yes, they’re little. Yes, they may still believe in Santa (or be utterly unimpressed by him). But energetically? They know things. They are things. They chose you. And they’re already aware—of the world, of the people around them, of your thoughts even when you don’t speak them. 

When you treat them like they’re aware, they rise. 

When you acknowledge that you are psychic (and so are they), you stop pretending you didn’t just hear their unspoken “I’m bored” from three rooms away. 

And when you ask questions instead of giving answers, something extraordinary happens: 

They start to trust themselves. 

Manipulation Over Control (Yes, Really) 

Let’s clarify something: manipulation is not evil. 

It’s not sneaky. It’s not a weapon. True manipulation, as taught in Access, is the art of outcreating the situation—to create something greater for everyone involved. 

I use it constantly with my grandkids. And yes, they’ve learned to use it back on me. (Fair game!) 

Instead of controlling every situation with rules and rigidity, I ask questions. I drop my barriers. I invite. I allow. I laugh. I be. And sometimes that’s enough to change the entire trajectory of an afternoon. 

Chocolate for breakfast? Maybe. Maybe not. It depends. But it’s not about proving anything—not to me, to their parents, or to the world. 

Stop Parenting from the Past 

Grandparenting often activates everything we decided we did wrong the first time around. 

It’s easy to swing to the other extreme trying to be perfect, to do better, to make up for it. But all that does is pull us out of presence. 

You are not your past parenting choices. And your grandkids are not your redemption arc. 

What if this phase of your life wasn’t about fixing anything? What if it was about contributing to their world in the way only you can—by being the space of allowance, laughter, and possibility? 

Run Your Bars. Then Run Theirs. 

Let’s get practical. If you take only one thing from this article, let it be this: 

Run your Bars. Run your grandkids’ Bars. Run your Bars in front of your grandkids. Let them learn it. Let them play with it. Let them gift it back. 

There is nothing like lying on your granddaughter’s bed, watching Desperate Housewives, swapping Bars sessions, and laughing about how many people you may have “killed” in past lives. 

(Yes, that actually happened. And yes, it was brilliant.) 

Choose You, Again and Again 

So many grandparents quietly think, my grandkids are my life. 

Say that a few times. Notice the heaviness? 

What if your grandkids were a part of your life, not the whole of it? 

Start asking questions. Start choosing you again. Not in opposition to them. But as the energetic invitation to a different reality. 

Because when you choose you, they get to choose them too. 

And that, beautiful grandparent, might be the greatest gift you’ll ever give.